Loyalty Issues
One
of the major problems with your mother in-law that you're bound to have
is that your husband is more her son than your husband. This can be an
understandably frustrating situation for any wife. He may run to his
mother for approval regarding the tiniest things and may even support
her over you in certain matters. It can be really annoying to have a
pure mama's boy for a husband, especially when you've seen the
independent man he can be. Such situations can lead to a considerable
amount of animosity between you and him. In such a situation, what you
need to realize that is that it's perfectly natural for a son to feel a
close affinity to his mother even after marriage. You need to be patient
with him. Slowly and gently talk to him about the issue and try to make
him understand that you have no issues with his mother as a person, but
his extreme loyalty to her, over you, in matters that you know you are
right in, bothers you. He'll definitely understand what you're saying
and make the necessary amends.
Intrusive Behavior
Do
your in-laws have an opinion about everything that you and your spouse
do? Do they pick the colors of your curtains? Do they decide which
school your kids should go to? And do they decide where you should be
investing your money and demand to know all about your finances and
other things? If you've answered yes to the above questions, then you
may be experiencing an intrusion problem my friend. And the answer to
this problem is NOT to tell them to stop interfering in your lives and
leave you alone, but to again be patient and get through it. They're
only looking out for you and your family, so don't discount their
opinions altogether. When you do that, you may lose out on some
potentially excellent advise that they may have on something that they
have expertise in. So, pay heed to their opinions, but make it very
clear to them that you'll consider their advise and not necessarily do
as they want, because you may find a better option. This way, they have
the satisfaction of having their say (literally and figuratively
speaking) and you still get to hold your ground. The worst thing you can
do is ignore them and their advise. So listen and do whatever seems
feasible for you.
Condescending Attitude
Every
parent thinks that their child could have married someone better.
Whether they accept that or not is an entirely different issue, but it's
true that they always think that their own child is way too good for
the person he or she gets married to. You have to graciously accept this
fact and the possibly torturous condescending attitude that it brings
with it. You may be subjected to a certain level of hostility and
contempt by your in-laws because they think that you don't match up to
their child for various reasons. It can become really difficult as a son
in-law or daughter in-law to deal with someone who thinks little of
you. What you need to remember in such situations is that your spouse
chose you over all the other 'options' that he or she had. He or she
loves you and married you, not anyone else. She or he already made the
choice and picked you. That's what will get you through such a
situation, not complaining and whining about it to your spouse. It will
only upset him or her and widen the gap between you and your in-laws.
Prove yourself to them and they'll see you in a completely different
light altogether.
Communication Barriers
The
main problem in almost every deteriorating relationship is a lack of
communication. The absence of communication can turn problems that seem
like mountains into molehills. Communication between you and your
spouse, communication between you and your in-laws is the only way to
let each other know that such and such problems exist. How else do you
think the process of working towards eradicating the problems is going
to be kick started? It's very simple really. Just because you don't live
in the same city doesn't mean you cannot pick up the phone and make a
call just to ask them how they're doing. Just spending awkward holidays
with them is not enough. That spoils the flavor of the occasion and
that's something that you don't want. So make an effort to maintain a
stable communication with your in-laws. They're your family after all,
aren't they?
Just
keep in mind that they're your family, not your enemies. They love
their child and so do you. There's bound to be a little tug of war, but
hey, you signed up for that voluntarily, didn't you?
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